07 July 2005

More late night thoughts..

Sometimes I look around and I don't know what happened to the world I built when I was younger. I guess the logical answer is that it changed, or it doesn't exist anymore -- the things I saw for myself, all of us saw for ourselves, either have come true or have not.

It's funny, how once in a while you get little snapshots of the life you used to have much later. I'll get excited about a rainbow in the sky or on a wall, or smile when the ceiling fan whips around those little bubbles that flew out of the dishsoap bottle when I put it down. Wildflowers are still pretty, at least before I have to pull them up, and I can fall asleep at night without lying awake in bed, thinking. The other day, I caught up with the last eight years when I went through a box of old photos and cards, trying to figure out what I was going to keep, what I was going to toss. These were things I put away because they were important to me at the time, but it's funny how five or six years can pass and I didn't think about them once.

These are good things -- why do they get lost when we get older? Do we crowd them out, filling our heads with facts and figures and just that little bit more to give us an edge in the real world? Do we think about the things we should have done, what we wish we would have done, just a little bit differently? It's a shame, to lose that little kid we once were, and I really think some of the happiest people I've ever known are still kids at heart, even into their eighties.

But really, I think the biggest difference is that when we're young, we're always looking forward. I couldn't wait for the next birthday, I couldn't wait for next week when I was going to my best friends' houses, and every day at the pool was a treat. As an adult (sorta), I find myself looking backward, thinking about what I should have done, focusing on what's already happened. Vacations seem a lot shorter from that point of view. Maybe if we spend more time looking forward, or even looking around at where we are right now, things might seem less crazy. Stress might go away. We know how, we've done it already -- we are our own Fountains of Youth.

And once I figure it out, I can finally get to sleep.. :)

1 comment:

Carl said...

I'm on the verge of becomming an adult, or so I've been told. There are some nights where I have a sudden memory from when I was much younger, and the feeling you get is incredible isn't it?

The world seemed like such a magical place, when in reality, it can be quite the opposite. It feels quite disappointing sometimes while pondering about where those feelings suddenly go as we get older.